Peacemaker - reuang bon dtiang
"เรื่องบนเตียง"
chao lao yung yoo bon.. tee norn
It's already daybreak and I'm still lying.. in bed.
ngiap ngiap kon dee-o yung mai yaak dteun keun pop..krai
I'm staying silent in islolation because I don't want to wake up and meet..anyone.
prow waa jai gor yung.. sia dai tee fun dee dee gum-lung ja jop lae hai bai
Because I'm still..disapointed that a good dream that was about to end had disappeared.
paap tee chun dai ben dung kon tee ter ruk chaang ben a-rai tee bra-tup jai
The image that I was the person you loved is something that I has touched my heart.
yaak seum sup naan naan lae gep wai mai hai mun paan bai
I want to savour the moment and keep it so that it won't pass me by.
yaak lup dtaa yoo yaang nun tam yoo yaang nun fun teung ter reuay bai
I want to keep my eyes closed and continue dreaming about you.
prow waa kwaam jing mai mee taang dai tam hai rao dai ruk gun woh woh
Because in reality, it is impossible for us to be together…who-oh.
tam dai kae nun tam dai kae nee tam dai piang kae fun
I can only do that much. I can only do this much. I can only dream.
dtong lok dtua eng fun bai wun wun hoh hoh
I have to lie to myself and dream from day to day hoh..hoh.
mai mee taang fun mun.. ben jing
It is impossible for the dream.. to come true.
proh mai ker-ee yoo nai... sai dtaa mai waa we-la ja naan ja paan suk tao rai
Because I've never been in…your eyes. No matter how long and how much time goes by.
took kum keun dtong ton... ngao jai mai roo jing jing tam mai tam mai dtong ruk ter
Every night I've got to withstand..the loneliness. I honestly don't know why..why I have to love you.
paap tee chun dai ben dung kon tee ter ruk chaang ben a-rai tee bra-tup jai
The image that I was the person you loved is something that I has touched my heart.
yaak seum sup naan naan lae gep wai mai hai mun paan bai
I want to savour the moment and keep it so that it won't pass me by.
yaak lup dtaa yoo yaang nun tam yoo yaang nun fun teung ter reuay bai
I want to keep my eyes closed and continue dreaming about you.
prow waa kwaam jing mai mee taang dai tam hai rao dai ruk gun woh woh
Because in reality, it is impossible for us to be together…who-oh.
tam dai kae nun tam dai kae nee tam dai piang kae fun
I can only do that much. I can only do this much. I can only dream.
dtong lok dtua eng fun bai wun wun hoh hoh
I have to lie to myself and dream from day to day hoh..hoh.
mai mee taang fun mun.. ben jing
It is impossible for the dream.. to come true.
yaak lup dtaa yoo yaang nun tam yoo yaang nun fun teung ter reuay bai
I want to keep my eyes closed and continue dreaming about you.
prow waa kwaam jing mai mee taang dai tam hai rao dai ruk gun woh woh
Because in reality, it is impossible for us to be together…who-oh.
tam dai kae nun tam dai kae nee tam dai piang kae fun
I can only do that much. I can only do this much. I can only dream.
dtong lok dtua eng fun bai wun wun hoh hoh
I have to lie to myself and dream from day to day hoh..hoh.
mai mee taang tee fun mun.. ja ben jing
It is impossible for the dream.. to come true.
how do u think of this song? =) i just came back from thailand trip. It's nice and lots of fun. i miss there and hope we will go there once again. i heard this song when i was siting alone in a pub in thailand, it gave me alot of feeling while i'm listening it so i asked one of the waitress there and they told me that this song means "You love the person but you can't take care of her". I was like "WoW", it's already suit my feeling right now. i tried to find this song when i asked one of my thai fren there but we can't find it. Suddenly last day of our trip, my thai fren gave me this CD as a gift and i'm so happy to receive it as a surprise. thanks alot for her !
anyway, there's alot of happening stuff happened in my trip and there's alot of pics too. Hope my lazyness will stop me one day to update in my blog. =D
Anyway, i will not continue my previously blog cos it's already useless now. the story already ended. =)
Hope u will like the song too..

Sunday, October 09, 2005

"why my friend again? why not me? why have to hide feelings? till now i still cannot understand why/accept the fact that you had to test me. haven't i been like that ever since we were together?" -- I'll test you just because i need an answer for myself, i can't accept that i'll be the one who keep on having "forgive and forget" mindset. As what i said "Yes, I can definitely give you a call to inform u that I’m having OT, but in my mind, I’m always hoping that u will take the initiative, to show that u care and that u are really worried. I couldn’t stop asking myself “What place do I hold in your heart?”

why my friend again? why not me? -- I'm in the wrong at the first place to share our problems with ur frens as what u said "The biggest mistake in this relationship is to let me get too near your friends." when there's something which make me need to "forgive and forget" i will share with them because both of them understand u alot and that makes me more comfortable to share with, at least they will know how's my feeling was when something incident happened. whatever is it, I'm in the wrong to bring them into the pictures. Anyway, it's very difficult to make me speaks out all my feeling to you. etc: The ktv incident, i will not speaks out to you because i'm just waiting for the initiative movement from you whenever the problem happened, i will keep inside myself cos i'm just waiting for a words "sorry" but this seldom happened and due to how much i understand you, i will use the same old method "forgive & forget" and i will share with ur fren whenever i saw them in msn because if there's anything happen in this relationship, i hope they might let you know what kind of mistakes u have did it perviously and trying to change for the better relationship next time.

"what did i do? weren't all my sats/most of our common free time spent with you?" -- maybe those thing had already happened long ago, i will let you know if my phone have not being formatted but there's a good example for the ktv's incident. Don't always forcus those incident happened recently cos if you understand me well, i will only starts quarrel when problems and incidents came instead of just a problem/incident.

neverending misunderstandings. -- don't have any relationship will be neverending loving but there's lots of neverending misunderstanding. is it only "forgive & forget" will solve this problem? but who will be the one who will take this initiative movement? and will she/he can stand of being taking for granted always? This might be a very problematic question in my mind always.


Maybe it will makes you understand easily by this format.

What i always hoping for

she will show out her feeling always
let me know whenever she thought of me
she will show more care for my family
maybe a dinner together or accompany them to keep in e communication
she will be the one to realized whenever any changes i made
maybe another word for this is attention, important too cos she's my closest best friend too
she will not scared of saying sorry
whenever there's something happen sorry is really a magic words for everyone BUT not passed few days.
* to be continue due to working*

Saturday, October 08, 2005

I'm devastated. I also have no idea why things had become like this. I agree when you said that it’s really difficult to maintain a relationship when a couple cannot compromise on the form of communication used. Probably because of this we have many misunderstandings, both of us stand on our own perspective points of view. Of course, u have your own reason for doing certain things and I certainly have them too, I believe if both of us can compromise each other in the first place, things would not turn out the way it is right now.

I know that you are always online after school, waiting for me in msn. After all this while, you should roughly know what time I will be at home, but as what you said, if you are waiting for me, why is it that whenever I’m not online and have to work OT, you never call or sms me. Aren’t you the least bit worried? Perhaps you may say “I’m afraid that I might disturb you” or “why couldn’t you inform me that you are working OT?”. Yes, I can definitely give you a call to inform u that I’m having OT, but in my mind, I’m always hoping that u will take the initiative, to show that u care and that u are really worried. I couldn’t stop asking myself “What place do I hold in your heart?”

I did realize that you were crying that day and I remember asking you whether you were crying and what had happened. I admit I sounded tired that day, but that doesn’t mean that because of my deadbeat tone, you should stopped calling me. I was busy with my stuff as I need it finished by Monday. I didn’t know that you planned to accompany me on that particular Saturday. If I knew u had plans for that day, I will definitely not turn up for the chalet and accompany you instead. I can totally understand how disappointed u felt as I have gone through similar incidents before.

Even though I was very busy with work, I have no intentions of neglecting you at all. But in addition, like what I said before in the sms-es, I was also trying to see whether u will take the initiative to look for me. Didn’t realized that all this could actually caused a big quarrel. The quarrel may not be all bad as I think it helps u to understand how I felt when u treated me coolly. I know sometimes u projected your feeling in the wrong way but I think this is not our first quarrel topic. Do you remember the incident in Taka? Do you think u have changed?

I was concern; in fact, I had asked your friend how your work in Erdinger was, but because I wanted to act apathy, I had to hide my feelings. I knew you had some problems with work and that you had eye infection. I wanted to show that I care, but I also could not control the thought of not knowing anything about you again. I did ask you about your work, but you keep telling me nothing instead, so I stopped, thinking that you would rather keep it to yourself.

You dun have to apologize for anything. Everything u did was not wrong. Probably, both our expectations for the other partner are different, or maybe, our ways of showing care n concern are different. You rather keep them to yourself, but have u ever thought that without letting the other party knows how u feel, he will never know. You know, it’s also very difficult to maintain a 1-sided relationship. Since you keep everything to yourself, I could never guess everything that you are thinking. I think, without mutual understanding and commitment, it will only lead to more problems and misunderstanding.

I’m so lost; I do not know what to do now. I hope that you could give me an answer as what I should do. At least, tell me what thoughts u have or how u feel. I guess all this was caused by the lack of communication. If only we had spend more time with each other, then we will understand each other better. . .

Monday, September 26, 2005

hmmx.. i've being busy for my work and my personal stuff and yet i was so lazy to updated my blog since there's nothing respond from my blog. Anyway sorry mates!~ =D

Hurhur, whenever i will starts to write my blog is whenever i have some problem in my mind. hmmx.. let me just simply update my blog in points before i came to my main problems!

1) My relationship back to normal.
2) Did some mistake in my work and need to deduct my pay for the claims.
3) I'm going to thailand with my buddies next week!
4) I'm busying with those work that i shouldn't be doing right now.! all thanks to my AM~
5) I've changed~

Okie! It's time for me to talk about this main important point. . "the centr3 of Attraction"

I think those who knows me well, they should know that not much problem will cause me headache except RELATIONSHIPS.

Athought everything is back to normal and we did speaks out everything that is in our mind and she even promised me that she wanted to learn how to comit in a relationship. Ya. It's always so nice whenever after a big quarrel cos you can see your another parnter is trying to change for you but thing will went back to normal when the time is going by.

As what i said, recently I'm busying with those work that i shouldn't be doing right now. etc billing, checking all the stocks due to coming end of the year and now i need to create an ISO for my company! ISO? omg.. i think everyone will scratched their head and pity me if they understand how difficult to set up an ISO in a company.

Actually before i was busying about my work i realized alot of negetives points in my relationship and i decided to do some test on my relationship. why i need to test on a 2years relationship? cos i felt that i'm totally lonely whenever i'm busy, i need her replies, i wanted to do my stuff and i short of CARE & CONCERN.

I tried to finished my work in my weekends and sometimes after my work i still need to rush all my presentation and i've neglected her. i was waiting for her call or sms whenever i was busy and headache about my work. yaya... why shouldnt i let her know that i'm headache? being together 2years plus and i think she will knew that i don't like to do OT's in my weekend due to i'm sick in company arrangement.. =) but there's nothing for me whenever i need that. I was wondering does she thinks of me whenever she's busy or free. Since i didnt get any anything from her but sometimes i will thought of her although i'm busy, i will sms her when i'm having my lunch break or maybe toilet time! surprisely i need to wait quite a long time for a reply and the longest time is when i msged her in the morning and she replied me midnight. "Sorry i didnt see my phone." I'm sick of this sentence and whenever this msg is replied she will not replied my perviously question if i asked. Ya i know that she's lazy to reply msg or maybe she dont like to sms BUT she still sms back whenever her friend sms her. WHY ONLY ME? sometimes i'll came back late in my work maybe till midnight and i was waiting for her caring msg or call, i was thinking why cant she just sms me "how come still not home or why work till so late." In the end, nothing much for me again. I'm really sick of those insensitive act.

MY BIRTHDAY !! not a very special day for me cos i almost forgot till she asked me what i want for my present. Anyway the day before, my buddies bring me out for coffee in holland village and bought me a cake for me. although it's taste not very good but i'm pleased with the sentence from jack. He told me "We know u like to being pampered (sayang) by others so we bought this cake for you suprisingly." Everyone was so curious that who will be the first who wish me and they even took away my phone and wait for the 1st msg came. oh yah before that she called me and told me that she asked her sis to buy a cake for me and cake looks so uncle but after few mins of chatting i went back to my buddies. Oh yah, she's not the first one who wish me anyway and this crush away my expectation cos i thought she just called me and she will be waiting to wish me 1st but end up jessie (her cousin) is the 1st one to wish me and she wish me at 12.25am. I didn't show out my disappointment cos i'm really tired of this, she wish me and she laughed cos she forgot the time when she was watching a show just now. i was crying inside my heart and was laughing on the phone. She sent me a msg to wish me too and saying that she have her project to hand up so we dont have the time to celebrate but she will treat me to ktv next week. i'm quite pleased although nothing is perfect but at least she tried to pamper me by KTV! =D * i craving for my ktv for some times already just that i'm too busy and i looking towards on that day *

My weekends came and again i need to work in the morning for both days. i was totally out of my mood to work cos the day before she sms me and asking me whether i wanted to join dione to MOMO's anot, she told me that she seems no life now and she craving for this momo's club long time ago but i rejected her of not going. Why? cos she forgot my ktv AGAIN. i didnt remind her about this ktv. i met her for jessie shopping and along the shopping she told me that the momo had already cancelled. when the time we going back i'm trying to joke with her about "where's my geylang ktv?" and in another point i'm trying to hint her but i was disappointed for what she replied, she replied "you loh.. who asked you to work tomorrow." i was like ? -_- if i didnt work tml the first msg from u is still "wanna go momo tml with dione?" sometimes i prefer a "sorry i've forgotten already" rather than this reason flying around me. This is not the first time that she forgot my stuff again. WHY ME AGAIN?

That day i was working and i felt that i'm sick and i took half day leave cos i got a meeting i need to attend so i've to work till half day. i told her that my weekends burnt again and i'm sick now, i knew something is unhappy between us but i didnt asked and she didnt replied me too. i forgot what happen that day and if i'm not wrong she is waiting for me to meet her and instead of concern about my sick she expect of something and u should know what kind of feeling i get that day. On yah, although i'm sick but i still wait for her back on that day but no msg from her. don't tell me that i still need to remind her to msg me when she back home? sometimes automactic respond is great, you will like it if i did it to you too. Just few days before, she said i've changed. I'm was so disappointed cos she know i've changed but did she never give in the effort to ask why i've changed? why must i changed when the relationship already 2years plus? she just give me a replied that's make me tired and speechless. "I'm tired of talking about this, what u want to say just say dont test me." Her friend asked me to try solving this problem with her don't neglect her if the problem still hanging there and i tried to talk with her about our problem but since she tired of it what can i continue? even her friend is speechless too. Relationship is just beyond her hand, if she have the time to surf net and shop why can't she just spend some time to think of this relationship. If she really know me well, she should ask herself how come i will changed suddenly?, how come i will become so insensitive lately? how come i didnt know when she went out when i'm busy of my work? and why i will keep on working although i dont like to have my weekends burnt?. Only she can keep this relationship going, i've already tired my very best for it.

Anyway, i will wrote down here because this is my last test for this relationship. If she really care of this relationship now, she will look my blog for how i feel now. I know there's no one looking for my blog already and that's the point i wanted to see whether did she care of me and this relationship anot. I'm glad that if she look on my blog and hoping to save this relationship but if she didn't it show that i'm really nothing in her mind now.

* sorry for those anger i showed out in my msg, i can't always be the one who keep on acting infront of you, i'm a human with a feeling. i need care and concern from everyone just the same as u do. *

Friday, June 03, 2005

Just backed from my work and i walked back cos there's something on my mind i need to be alone.

Tml i was able to choose whether to work morning or evening. surprising when my boss told me that i able to choose morning and i thought of her cos we used to meet for shopping after my morning shift cos there's lots of time for me to shop and she got time to rest while i'm working.

I asked her whether she got anything program for tomorrow, if she didn't have shopping kakis and i will date her out for shopping. she scared i'm tired and i ensure her that i've already used to it so she agree to meet me. * at that moment, i was thinking whether isit she thought i will be hurt if she rejected my date *

After few minutes gone, she msged me that "why not dont't want la, i just ended my work and tomorrow ii'' be working morning. i will be tired. " i told her i won't and told her what in my mind too. After few conversations, she replied "see u tired till can't type properly le. nvm la". Guys how will you reply if u're me? i replied "okie. i won't be tired if u trust me".

She always wanted to be myself if i'm not wrong and that will be same with every girls out there. But that's real me and why she just don't accept what i'm saying? Even if i didn't meet her, i will be staying at home doing nothing or doing some OTs to waste my time although i dont like. have u ever thought of how i feel now whenever i reached home? girls and guys will always have the different thinking and if u trust me in that please take note.

Do you know what my guys asked me today?
They asked me to smile and please go back to previously i am.

Sorry guys and thanks for all the concern from you all, maybe you will be the same if u're me now but i promise i will try.

Recently all this is all in my mind flowing up and down..


Ah cole and ah meng --> Goldfish!
Paikia the laogao!!
The only tulips that looked like "Mu Tang Hua"!
The watch i bought for her near orchard point!
The Half surprise cake for her on birthday and we did quarrel and it's a misunderstanding!
Bought another watch for her in "swatch" (she told me someone thought she wearing "Fuo Zhu"!
Went to Venezia's for our ice cream. ( cookies n cream, Tiramisu and lots of).!
Merlion Park for the toliet bowl seats!
I bought her a necklace too!
Still Remember Butter Cafe? Cineleisure?
Levi's 501 Tags! ( I steal one for her too ) * Police around? *
Macdonald's at bugis.. i nv enjoyed so much in Mac before in my 21st life.
Monkey boxer !! i can't wear it cos too sexy! :D
We loves lao gao and that is what she saw on JP and i gave her as surprise!
oh ya! 2nd date at bugis and i took half day and she skip lesson .. :x
East coast park..! I love riding her around even fool with some others " uncle ".
We loves Sushi Tei !! Our fastest record of having a meal there is 30min cos they will be closing!
I like to send MMS to her too. Sometimes is whole day free!
The photo in our wallet will always be inside cos we're so happy even we are just taking photo at home! that's why i didnt change that.
Astro on our head? That's why movie first pic will be Astro boy and ger!
I loves to stay overnight at her house. cos we rock around.
Love her sleeping on my stomach and watch tv together. hot but sweet.
The day she love most "2003 Christmas day"! we didnt plan anything but we enjoyed ourselves.
She kissed me on the bridge ( she always so shy but that's is sweet and ever )
She bought a wallet for me and that's really a surprise cos i don't know where my wallet is!
Geylang Oh Jian !!!! Our Record 10 for both of us and that must thanks for my brothers!
Accompany her to her teeth clinic every appointment but too bad the day she took out i was not there! * she looks beautiful *
"Anna in kungfu land" The movie she like most if i'm not wrong cos she always gave me the pattern that is awlful for e actor but cute for her. :D
We loves "ROYCE" chocolates!
Our Chickmulk Puzzel. We did it together and that day we have a quarrel too.. thanks Chickmulk!
ASTRO ! how can i forgot him. we look around for rabbit and he's the lucky one.
ASTRO 2! Saw this soft toy at taka and bought for her . took our sweetest pic with him.
FBI clothes !! We bought two and that's our couple tee!
On Mrt gossiping with around funny things.
Her prom accessories, dress and that shoe! we travel everywhere to look for it but it's not tired, at least i made her smile happily!
Eye talk ! bought that cos it's so amazing for guys! she love trying all new stuff from jap too.!
Her birthday at ktv and that will be a surprise too!
Oh ya..! Valentine's day! Both is sweet.. 1st is on the boat and 2nd is simple and sweet.
DoDo club and missha ( dont know how to spell but she like to shop cosmectics )


There's alot more and i think i must stop before i cried out loud.
Guys! teach me how to forget when her name is pasted on my heart already?

We did so much and this is only a 1yr 9mths relationship. That's not all my effort and it's OUR effort that we did all this. There's alot of thing i would like to let her know. If there's a chance to let her accept what i am, i will let her know how i feel, how to keep this stable back, how to think of each other and what's the difference of guys and girls.

what if one day i'm gone ? if there's a feeling right now and that will be the same as me now. tears

Ps: sorry for those spelling mistakes.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I'm so surprised that one of my friend/friend had the same story as me.

I was so shocked and was asking my friend what's the ending. Ya i know, different pple have their different ending too.

Their Story

Hock: My Fren. Peter: Hock/Fren Mary: Peter Gf

Peter and Mary had being together for 3yrs

Peter: Hock ah.. Telling you frankly, i was so sad now, me and mary having some problem now.

Hock: hur!? What's happening, come on don't take this as a joke. Both of you are so sweet bro.

Peter: Ya. That's what i felt too. She know a new guy that's having car and rich. I lost my confident. I love her alot and maybe Letting her go will make her happier.

Hock: Come on Peter! Ya. What u think is almost correct but it's silly too. You can't affort a car in future? Maybe u're not rich but you cannot affort her daily meals and some outing allowance?

Peter: Of cos i can, It's okie for me to work more OT just because of her. Guys need to earn for their partners, maybe that's not the rule but it's the responsible.

Hock: Well done! You know what's guy mean so why still let her go? Think about it in your heart, You let her go cos you love her, If she find someone better maybe you can "Xu Fu" her and continue waiting for her since she still havent married BUT what if she choose someone that will hurt her or maybe something bad to her? She come towards you and cry out loud? You will regret in your whole life. Do u still love her?

Peter: Of cos i do!
(Hock Asked this question to Mary too and this is what mary replied "Ya i do love him too. I'm so "Yi Yi Bu Se" now. That guy treat me so good and I still love peter.)

Hock: Okie. Whatever thing will be inside your hand so please try to settle it with her, don't push her out of your life just because you love her. She love you too and try to talk with her and work hard for your future too.

After 2weeks, Mary had understand all that peter did for her. Mary regrets of hurting peter before and she think that's stupid to let her fall in love with someone else when there's always a guy beside her, helping her along and love her so much. They went back together and they became more sweet there ever and their mind always thoughts of a words " Zhen Xi Yong You Bu Ran Huo Hui Yi Bei Zhi ".

I'm not really good in chinese so forgive me if i typed wrongly. =)

I heard this story yesterday and found out that it's quite true.

do u know i miss u alot.? did u ? * looking at astro *

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I've made a decision, I'll leave her alone.

It's hurt but i've no choice. I don't like the feeling to become rubbish.

She keeps pushing me here and there and i'm hurts too. so i choose to leave her alone and give her "some" time. Actually this will be more painful for me. Wanna msg her but don't dare. Use to msg her but now i must keep my phone aside. looking everywhere in my rooms and thought of what we did.

Pple always " time will let you forget her easily ".
Come on.. let's face the fact, if is so easily forget her i won't be drinking all the night to let myself sleep and if it's so easily to forget i wont be thinking here and there and even dropping my tears. her everything is inside my heart.